Frozen Bliss
by The Grinning Psychopath
Summary: kinda Alternate Ending to Changes, full summery inside. warnings for drug abuse, drug info, noncannon paring, and some language. may or may not have a sequel made depends on what kinda reviews i get.


_**Frozen Bliss, by The Grinning Psychopath.**_

_**Full summery, Harry's date with Murphy doesn't go exactly as planned, and Harry is made an offer from his Lady Winter that could take the worries of the last few years away, and completely numb him to pain of his sacrifices  
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_**Review. Oh and Harry still has a few days I think till Mab takes him back to Winter, to be her Knight.**_

_**Disclaimer not mine, i own nothing. i own so much of Nothing in fact that i have been given the title of King of Nothing, by the bums, complete with a crown of beer cans coke cans, and coke bottle caps for jewelry, and robes of the filthiest most tattered newspapers Nothing can buy. All hail to the king o Nothin Baby!  
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_**.  
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I thought of Murphy, I thought of all the times I'd had with her, I thought of the date I had with her, but most of all I thought of ways of how I could tell her at the end of this date… that I loved her, that I wanted to be with her, but everyway I could think of either ended with her slapping me and walking away, or shooting me in the head.

Idiot

I sighed to myself and felt over to my bedside, to the nightstand, looking for some Ibuprofen to take the wicked edge off of my headache. God would that thing just fucking leave me alone!

I found a small bottle of the stuff, 50 red pills inside. And when I reached down to grab it, I knocked aside a small bundle of cloth and saw an amber prescription bottle of pills roll to the side, and beside it a note, with my name written at the top in lovely blue handwriting.

Curious I picked up the bottle, and the note. And saw that it was a bottle of **Vicodin 5mg Hydrocdone 500mg acetaminophen. Prescribed for Harry Dresden, Prescribed by Maeve Alalutial. Take 1 or 2 pills first dose, take every 4 to 6 hours for pain, do not exceed 8 pills per day.**

I looked down at the note, and it read.

.

_My dear beloved Knight, Mister Dresden: I have heard from Mother of your recent… misfortunes, and thought of how you and I never got the chance to properly meet up as Queen and Knight, and thought of how lonely you must be right about now, how desperate you are for some warmth in the cold December night, and how you probably yearn for all those aches and bruises to be eased from your body._

_And while I must say that while Vicodin wouldn't be my first choice for such a task, it does seem to suit you best dearest Knight, after all you'll need a clear head for the decision ahead of you, and I am confident that you should be able to think your way out of the minor haze Vicodin will place over your mind._

_Now Dearest Knight, I will know the instant you take the pills, and the instant you do I will leave you a similar note offering you a deal, I will not go into details as to what that deal entails but know this Dearest Knight._

_The Vicodin is just a temporary comfort, it will only last so long, but I can last for eternity Dearest Knight, and I can do so much more than what a few pills can._

_Signed, Your lady Winter, Maeve._

_PS the pills have a little something extra in them, to give them an extra kick, only the best for my Dearest Beloved Knight._

_.  
_

I snorted, at the last part and was about to toss the pills out the open window, when I hesitated, that part of me back in the darkest parts of my mind, calling to me, whispering dark wonderful temptation, to me. Telling me to, stop, and think about things, to not be too hasty.

And as hard as I tried to ignore that voice, I found I couldn't bring myself to throw the pills away.  
It was stupid, and dangerous. And I really shouldn't be thinking about it, but I was thinking about it, I thinking and before knew it, I was pocketing the pills.

Yes, it was stupid, and reckless, but I'd been doing lot of reckless and stupid things just lately, and on top of that I'd also been going through hell, and there was no actual guarantee that my date with Murphy would go as I had planned it over and over again in my mind, it might be nice to have an alternative, to sitting alone in my boat waiting for my new Queen to take me, away from all this shit.

I heard the familiar honking of Murphy's car. So with a my stomach doing flip flops and twisting itself into little tight knots. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, ran one hand through my messy dark brown hair, and went out to meet with Murphy.

When I got there I was pleasantly surprised to see my half Brother Thomas lounging decadently, in the back of Murphy's car, and a disgruntled looking Murphy with unusually red cheeks snap something at Thomas, and slam her hand down on the horn again.

She looked over at me, lowered her window, and shouted. "Come on Dresden, it's a long night ahead of us, that should be full of beer, dancing, Beer, taco bell, more beer, drunken laughter, inappropriate jokes, and oh yes more beer!"

.

I heard Thomas comment on something, saw Murphy's cheeks get even redder, and saw her hand twitch towards the pocket of her dark blue long sleeve shirt, where I knew a bottle of pepper spray lay.

I grinned to myself, and jogged towards them. All but forgetting the amber bottle of pills in my pocket, who needed drugs when you had friends… and beer of course.

When we got to the club, that after some bickering, we decided would be some new place Thomas apparently knew of that was full of good beer, pig knuckles, pork rinds, and women, and men of course, though women were about the primary objective here, least to me and Thomas, though I already had my eyes set on one particular woman.

We all immediately went over to the bar and ordered ourselves beer, and snacks, Thomas and Murph went with Pork rinds, where as I wanting to try out something different for a change, as this would be my last free day on earth, went with the Pig knuckles… they were surprisingly good.

Murphy and I talked a bit about our sorrows, about how we wished things could have turned out differently for us, how life sucked, and how we really wanted to go back in time and kill our own grandfathers… well okay I'd wanted to do that last bit, but it did get a dry chuckle out of Murphy as well as a raised eyebrow from Thomas along with a fingertwirrel from him when he thought I wasn't looking.

.

But we all still clinked our beers together, in toast to all of that… even the bit about our grandfathers… or well my grandfather at least.

All in all it was a good night, but eventually I found to my distress that Murphy was slowly drawing her attention away from me, and more and more of it on Thomas instead.

I tossed out the doubts and dark thoughts that entered my mind, as she did this, with the reasoning that Thomas was when you got right down to it, a great looking guy, with those high cheekbones, tick glossy black hair, perfect panty dissolving smile, perfect white teeth… the bastard.

And that any woman who didn't want to spend at least a little of her time appreciating the view of him, would either be blind or insane, or maybe a lesbian, though even a lesbian probably would have want to at least cast a few inconspicuous glances at him when he wasn't looking, or when she thought he wasn't looking anyway.

So imagine how shocked I was, when I came back from the bathroom, after having danced three long rounds with Murphy, to find the two of them really rocking it out on the dance floor. _**(Okay I have no idea if "Rocking it out" is the correct phrasing here, but I do know that somewhere in some universe parallel to our own, it is the correct phrasing, so back off, and let that other Universe's weird terms take place. Wouldn't wanna be accused of universionisim or whatever would we?)**_

.

I felt my hand twitch towards, where I knew the bottle of Vicodin lay, just waiting for me to reach inside pull it out, and shake out a couple of pills to swallow.

But I resisted the urge with a few quiet rationalizations, and curses. Of course Murphy would want to dance a few with Thomas the graceful bastard that he was, after having me stumble all over her feet, all night long.

So Jealousy filling my heart, I watched on, in ever growing dread as the two of them danced becoming more and more wrapped up in each other, Murphy grinding herself up against his long whipcord body, dragging her fingers across his stomach, in slow teasing motions, coming ever closer to his pelvis, and the bulge that was steadily growing there.

And then finally after about twenty minutes, they did the one thing I had prayed they wouldn't. They kissed.

It was a long sensual kiss, a kiss that seemed to last forever, a kiss that no one under the age of 18 should watch for fear of being mentally damaged.

By then my jealousy had reached its peak and I had, watched enough. Angry and hurt, I grabbed up my drink, gulped down the few remaining sips left, and left the bar, heading out, to the street, where I would be able to catch a cab.

But after two minutes of waiting on the side of the street, with my hopeful thumb extended, nearly frozen at that point. I finally decided i just didn't have the patience for to wait. And so I started walking to where I knew the docks lay, and my nice warm if not exactly comfy boat was.

And the frozen thumb, turned into a middle finger of defiance to all those who passed me by.

And as I walked on, I thought I heard laughter, and I glared up at the sky, and turned the finger to the point where I knew the one who truly did have it in for me stood.

Thirty minutes later, as i walked on, the now truly frozen to the bone finger, still extended in defiance to all who might laugh, at the sad solitary figure, who walked on, shivering, through the dark windy streets.

.

I found myself thinking of the Vicodin in my pocket, thinking of how my feet ached, as did my back, and my ribs, and my head.

I slowly retracted the finger, back with the rest of its frozen brethren, and reached into the pocket, for the Vicodin.

I looked at the Vicodin bottle in my hand, feeling despair and hopelessness rise up inside me. I felt the pain of Murphy and Thomas's betrayal, felt the cold hand that was clenched around my heart, as my one and only Daughter grew steadier further, and further away from me, and as Molly lay somewhere in a bed, hurt and alone, completely defenseless.

I popped the lid of the bottle, dumped two pills into my hand, tossed them up into the air and caught them in my mouth. A trick I'd worked on to perfection with Tylenol 3, and Ibuprofen. After all everyone has to have a hobby of some kind right?

.

As I felt the pills go down, I tasted the usual bitterness of all pills, but along with it this time, a strange sweet cooling sensation, similar to that of menthols, or peppermint gum.

And in 4 minutes, the ache in my bones, and in my head, slowly vanished, and I was walking easily down the street, the cold hand that had been clutching my heart, seemed to melt, replaced with a warm floating sensation, and for the first time in a while, I smiled.

And then I laughed, I laughed a lot. And I found that the cold of winter once so biting, and painful, merely seemed to give me a pleasant tingling sensation.

I continued my walk, but now it wasn't a harsh demeaning task, as i had previously thought. But a warm calming blissful walk, similar to those that I had, had with my father in my youth.

I saw how bright the stars seemed to sparkle, how brightly the shone down upon me, and how wonderful the air seemed to smell.

Yes it was wonderful.

.

When I finally got back to the sorry excuse for a boat, I had was in an ecstatic mood, as the Hydrocodone in the pills had finally metabolized itself in my liver into the more powerful Hydromorphone, and the high was wonderful.

I settled back into my bed, slamming the door behind me, and danced around the room, happily. All the memories of hurt and betrayal I'd held so tightly to myself earlier, from Murphy, and Thomas's canoodling, all but gone.

I flopped down on the bed, to laugh it all away, as the pills took all that anger, all that pain, all that betrayal away, and replaced it with warmth, and joy, and numbness.

Numbness, chillingly familiar to that of the cold sickly sweet wrongness that had filled me, when Bob had slipped into his alter ego as a Necromancer's assistant.

And I shivered slightly at the memory, I glanced at the clock, and decided that IT was time for some high class opioids. And I reached for the bottle of pills.

4 hours later, I was out on the deck of my little as boat, an old bottle of Jack Daniels, I'd stashed on the ship incase of just such an emergency in one hand, despite the warning in my mind, that told me that I really shouldn't be drinking when my body was already full of high class opioids.

Oh well. I'd suffer the extremities later, when I wasn't celebrating my last night of freedom. Heh night, Knight! How funny. I grinned stupidly to myself, and drank three quick gulps of the whiskey.

.

The numbness in my body, spreading out to encompass every last bit of me. The warmth of the booze and Opioids warming me against the chilly December night.

I looked out across the sea, and slowly my bliss evaporated to be replaced with sorrow, as I thought of Molly, out there, somewhere, hurt and lonely, and really in need of a friend.

I thought of Susan's words to me. "She's in love with you Harry." I thought of how well Molly and I worked together, how she was always so honest and open with me. Always willing to do anything to protect me, to keep me safe even at her own expense.

I thought of how lonely she would be in the coming days ahead of her, how she would be forced to live as I had lived, if she lived at all, if the Council didn't immediately decide to excecute her on the spot, with me gone. Or would Ebenezar call up a few favors, and ultimately be placed in charge of my apprentice himself?

Either way, it didn't matter. Molly would likely be known throughout the rest of her Days, as my Apprentice, she would likely inherit all of my enemies, all of my debts… everything.

I sighed, and wished that I could have at least given her, that one last bit of comfort, the comfort that only a good friend or a lover could give a person, that one bit of ccomfort she'd craved from me, and I had refused her.

.

Too late now, even if I could get to wherever the hell she was before my time was up, she'd still be too busy healing herself up, for us to comfort each other in that one special way.

So I sighed, glanced down at the bottle of pills in my pocket, and ignoring that voice in my head again, saying that it was a bad idea. Took the not exactly weak, and not exactly powerful narcotics, and chased them down with a swig of Jack, my good ole friend jack, oh how I have missed you.

When I woke up, it was to an all too familiar sound and feeling of nails being pounded into a board, and in addition to that, was the feeling of nausea so mighty there really were no words, to describe how it felt, you could only feel, to know how fucking bad it was.

I doubled over slowly, groaning, and felt sticky oozing wetness slide across my face, as I goti nto the fetal postion, on the hard wooden floor of the boat.

I smelled something foul and rancid in the air, and the taste in my mouth was beyond abominable. I opened my eyes slowly, to find myself as I had suspected on the floor of my boat, and also as I had expected, half my face was in a small pool of my own vomit. Which explained both the smell and the horrid taste in my mouth.

.

I just laid there, unmoving, barely breathing. And thing vaguely of reaching for the amber vial of pills I saw just three feet away. But then quickly realized, just how much of a bad idea that would be.

Important lesson about Opiates, Opioids and booze people.

Booze and Narcotics to not mix. If you try to mix Naroctics such as the Opioids Hydrocodone or Oxycodone, or the Opiates Morphine, Codeine, or Heroin. You are likely to suffer a severe reaction, such as puking your guts, out, which is the least of your worries, the most you have to worry about is the fact that narcotics are respiratory Depressents, as is Booze.

And if you mix two respiratory Depressents, such as strong Opioids, and a even a little of whiskey. You are very likely to suffer respiratory faliure, and die of suffucation.

I groaned, and sat slowly upright, and nearly fell back down again, when a bright terrible beam of Sunlight hit my eyes, and the pain in my head redoubled with a vengeance.

I whimpered like a little girl.

And I saw a note float down, beside my head, and I reached for it, partly out of self defense against the scratching sound it would make as it hit the floor, partly out of curiosity, but mostly just so I could use it to shield my eyes.

Which is exactly what I did, flimsy as the piece of paper was, it was good enough for me to get over to the curtains, and slid them over so that they shielded me from the painfully painful pain inducing light of the sun.

.

I sighed relived as darkness filled the room.

Then I glanced down at the paper, to read a familiar lovely blue scrawl

_The pills are just a sample if you will of what could be yours, if you would come to me, here in Winter. There is this special little alcove I loved to play in as a girl, and still do as a matter of fact, only for more… special and far more entertaining games._

_You need only crush a single one of these pills between your teeth, and you will know where you can find me Dearest one._

_You have up to a full night, to accept this offer dearest one. one night to experience pleasures, and wonders, beyond your wildest imaginings. Do not take this offer lightly dearest one, I only extend it to those I consider, worthy of such a gift, few have been found that worthy dearest one, please do not keep me waiting long._

_Signed, your Dearest Winter Lady, Maeve._

I glanced down at the piece of paper, then down at where the pills lay, and I saw where there had been 50 when I first got em, there now only lay 36.

I thought of Susan's other words, her advice that I enjoy myself, while I still could, that I should take as much pleasure in life as possibly could.

I glanced at the sun, slowly rising in the sky.

I could either go outside, and enjoy the pleasures, of the real human world one last time, before I was taken back into my own dark horrible world, of ice, fire, and horrors beyond your worst nightmares.

.

Or I could experience the pleasures of the Winter Lady, possibly garnure much favor in the process with her, along with the kind of erotic experiences I had no doubt lay in that decsion that could only be delivered by a Fae queen.

I thought of the pleasures of the real world, thought of Murphy and Thomas, laughing and joking… and kissing.

I thought of Molly laying in a bed somewhere, bloodied and bruised, and possibly dying, maybe even Comatose.

And with that last thought cleari n my head, I made my decision. With a lightly murmured _"Ventas Servitas."_ I called the bottle of pills to my hand, popped the cap off, removed one tablet from the amber vial, gazed at it thoughtfully for a second. Before placing it in between my back molars, and crushing it between them.

Cold bittersweet bliss filled my mouth.

And darkness took me.

.

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_**So what do you think? i was feeling rather uninspired when i wrote this, i felt like it could have been more, perhaps. but then i was remembered of my Twilight fics which call to me even as i write now.**_

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**_oh for those of you who enjoy dark Twilight fics, you'll love my Tongues fic and its sequels Speak The Little Girl's Name, and Shame Shame. they are tales of love Depravity, Insanity, Decadence, Drug abuse, Incest, and tragedy._**

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**_oh and i have three other Dresden fics on here, one is a rather poorly made one titled Babylon, i think, and what was it what was it? oh yes, Damn me, and then theres a side stroy to Damn me titled Revocation of Empathy._**

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**_Anyway enjoy, and Review.  
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